Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
