he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
