i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
