Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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