Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
