watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
