Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
