Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
