I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
