That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
