New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
