Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
