That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
