They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You can't just leave with hair like that
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
