Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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