you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
