I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
