...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
