i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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