I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
