We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
