I could have mohawked her pubes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
