if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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