My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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