WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
