We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
