is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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