i need an iv and a liver transplant
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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