Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
