I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
