TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
