you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
