I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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