Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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