Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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