We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i dont even know how to be here
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
