So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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