Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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