We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My ATM looks so different sober.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
