You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
