I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
