Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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