i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
