I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
