he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
