When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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