He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
