grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
