If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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