I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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