Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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