We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
