you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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