i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
