so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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