In the future we'll all be gay
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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